Don Jyovi Sees Vinnie The Shrink

Copyright 2004

Don Jyovi Saraswati Di Morgese

How did all this come about?!

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The United Nations'

Sovereign Nation Licensing Protocol

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Don Jyovi Invokes Master Psycho-Analyst Genius of the Universe...Don Jyovi Meets Vinnie the Shrink

        It's a bright, bright sunshinee day here in Calexico, California. Me and Gondola were looking for a Mexican restaurant... being that we were right at the Mexican border, we figured we should eat Mexican, but we couldn't find one... in fact, all we found were Chinese! restaurants... so we ate Chinese.

"Hey Gondola!...What do you think about this idea? Let us begin to have each and every nation apply for a license to the United Nations. The privilege of being a sovereign nation will be hinged on the nation's ability to maintain law and order, democracy, human rights and to live peacefully with neighbors." I said enthusiastically as I chowed down at the Chinese buffet with my buddy, Gondola Pizzeria.

"Don Jyovi! You shooda meeta mya kuzzeen Veenee. Heza guuda shreenka. Hea weela geeva youa a guuda dealla." Gondola replied as he was sipping his won ton soup.

I disregarded his wisecrack and continued "And if these conditions cannot be met, as would be determined by an international judicial system, then, by default, an international 'coalition of the willing' would be summoned upon to do the work of restoring and maintaining these conditions until which time, that nation can stand on it's own, again."

"Anda whatta...puutta Prezeedentay Georgia Boosha outta ova a jobba!?" Gondola quiped, looking at the ceiling.

I continued "This would also be an avenue for those peoples in the world, who wish to have their own sovereign nation, recognized by the international community, to proceed with the "divorce", from the country they are currently being held by."

"Ima calling mya kuzzina righta nowa" Gondola said as he took out his cellphone.

"Heya kuzzina! Talka toa mya buddya Don Jyovi. Hea needsa youa helpa." Gondola hands me the phone.

"Helloa" I heard on the cellphone.

"Hi Vinnie, how are you?" I asked.

"Ima finea, anda youa?" Vinnie replied.

"I'm good! really I am, your cousins just kidding. How come you talk like that, aren't you black, too?" I asked.

"Eeta maksa deea cheeksa hotta." Vinnie said very matter-of-factly.

"Oh I see it's a family thing." I said as I watched Gondola laughing.

"Yessa, Mya cuzzina saysa datta youa teenka youa hava perpetuala motiona...anda datta youa teenka Godda geeva eeta toa youa...eesa datta truea?" Vinnie inquired.

I replied "Well, yes but"

"Anda datta youa wanta toa eenlighteena dea worlda? Vinnie edged in.

"Yes!" I said.

"I weela analyza youa fora freea!" Vinnie said.

"Why thank you, but I'm fine, really I am." I countered as I watched Gondola laughing.

I thought to myself

"Hmmm a freebee...on second thought, I do have some stuff I'd like to share with Vinnee. Maybe I could gain some new insight." 

and then I said

"On second thought, Vinnie, I've never been to a shrink before and maybe I can benefit from this."

"Gooda! Gooda! When eesa deea nexta timea dat youa can bea eena Philly?" Vinnie asked.

"I'll call you when I get there, how's that?"

"Gooda! Gooda!"

===

I Call Vinnie The Shrink

A month later...I gave Vinnie a call.

"Hello, Vinnie! How ya doin?"

"Helloa Joea, Ima Finea, anda youa?"

"I feel finer than a frog's hair split four ways and polished!" Chuckling as I said that.

"Gooda Gooda! Are...a youa cominga?"

"Yup, I'll be tere tommorow."

"Gooda Gooda! I...a leeva joosta abouta an houra northa ofa Pheellee. Een Facta, there eesa a trucka stoppa joosta uppa deea roada froma mya farma! Youa canna parka derra anda I'lla peecka youa uppa. I...a weella beea deea Ameesha Buggya weetha deea sattelite...a deesha"

I'm thinking to myself "Let's see here... a black man who talks with an Italian accent because he thinks it makes the chicks hot... who's coming to get me in an Amish horse and buggy and I'm the one getting analyzed!?"

And then I replied " A satellite dish!?... Tell you what Vinnie. I will analyze you for free!"

There was uproarious laughter at the other end of the line and then Vinnie replied.

"Oh...a dattsa guuda... haha... verrree guudda, hahaha"

===

I Visit Vinnie The Shrink

It's a bright, bright sunshinee day here at the truck stop. I'm in the diner finishing breakfast, peering out the window up the street, looking for an Amish horse and buggy with a satellite dish. I'm hearing a cacophony of horns and yelling, at first, very faint, but getting louder and louder. Sure enough Vinnie was leading a procession of cars and trucks up the street. Every now and then a couple of cars would break past him and he'd yell back at them something I can't say here, something about their mother, and about kissing body parts, with fingers flying and his horse, it seems, would neigh at just the right moment, as if to punctuate Vinnie's exuberant exhortations.

I got out to meet him. "My sentiments exactly, Vinnie!" I said smilingly.

He looked like a cross between JJ "Dynomite" Jackson and Morgan Freeman, about fiftyish and very animated. He got out of the buggy to shake my hand and with a broad grin, said "Deya teenka deya owna deea roada, deesa eedee itsa!... Deeda anyonea evera tella youa datta youa luke a like a Sean Connery a?"

"All the time!" I replied as I responded to his gesture to climb aboard the buggy.

He climbed back in and tugged the horse's harness and to the tune of the wagon wheels creaking, I asked.

"So, Vinnie... Amish!?"

"Hahaha... whatta eesa so a unusual a boutta datta?" Vinnie teasingly asked and then quickly followed with "Derra eesa notta eenufa moneya eena beinga a shreenka. Even weetha alla deea crazya peoplea, nobody eesa crazya ennufa to pay a me a two a hundreeda dollarsa an a hour a joosta to tella demma howa crazy a deya are a."

Somehow, that made alot of sense as I nodded and asked again "Amish?"

Vinnie winked his eye as he said "People a paya twicea asa mucha for Ameesha furneetura, joosta because a deya teenka eeta weela makea dema goa toa Heavena anda seeta weetha Jesus for eternitya. Who a am a I a to a argue a?!"

"But you're black! Doesn't anybody notice?" I asked incredulously.

"Nope a" He replied matter of factly.

We approached a gateway with a sign above it that read, 'Quality Amish Furniture... 1/2 Price'. The farm was authentic and old...I'd say about a hundred years old, but well maintained. There were cows, sheep, horses, a couple of buffalo and a few ostriches in the humongous, fenced-in yard out back.

The farm-house, outside, looked freshly painted, light grey with dark blue trimming. The inside was thoroughly modern, white stucco walls with African art, tribal weapons, paintings and statues of zebras, giraffes, elephants and monkeys. All very cool.

In the middle of the living room, was a hot tub. Vinnie handed me a 'Budweiser' bathing suit and said "Go a aheada anda take a a showera and getta eento a deea hotta tubba to a relaxa fora abouta a halfa ana houra anda dena we a cana begina youra sessiona." 

"Thanks Vinnie, I am looking forward to this." I said and  I went into the bathroom to shower and change into this bright red Budweiser bathing suit.

===

The Session Begins...My Earliest Recollections

"Ahhh...this is great!" I thought as I sat in the hot tub, my eyes closed and enjoying wonderful Flamenco guitar music. "This should be interesting." I continued to muse in anticipation of the session.

After some time, Vinnie came back in the room asking "Howa longa cana youa staya?"

I replied "The whole day."

"Gooda...Gooda Shalla  wea begina?" Vinnie asked as he motioned me to the couch.

I dried myself off, put on a robe and proceeded to the couch. I lay there staring at the CasaBlanca fan moving slowly and Vinnie pulled up a seat next to me and with pen and pad in hand he said,     "Soa... Don Jyovi...Tella mea abouta youa pasta."

I thought "He wants to talk about noodles!?...Oh I get it...He wants to start with small talk in order to break the ice." So I said "Well I love all kinds of pasta...I could eat it every day and never get tired of it! My mom has so many ways of preparing it! I learned all of her recipes."

Vinnie had a really puzzled look on his face.

I said "What?...What's the matter, Vinnie?"

A light went on in Vinnie's head and he said "Oh! Hahaha, tella mea about youa selfa."

And I said "Hmmm...Where do I start?...Do you want me to start from my earliest recollections, Vinnie?"

"Yessa, Ia needa a generala picturea." Vinnie replied.

I reflected for a while, composed my thoughts, and said

"I was born in Montreal, Canada on January 1st, 1954. My parents came from Italy back in 1949. My dad was a welder for Canadair, an aircraft manufacturer. I have two older brothers and two older sisters and a younger brother. My grandma, my mom's mom, lived with us also."

I looked at Vinnie to see if I was on the right track and he said "Goa ona."

And I continued "I can recall very vaguely that we had a dog, probably when I was two or three years old, but by five years old, I can recall that we no longer had one. I can recall that at five years old, we lived on Park Ave., actually just around the corner from where Freakie Fries was, that my brother would open in 1972...In fact, I do recall walking on the sidewalk right in front of Freakie Fries, eagerly anticipating getting my allowance, which was five or ten cents a week, and dreaming about what I could do with it...also I recall that there was a 'SuperMarket' ,( that's what it was called, though it was actually quite small), right across the street from Freakie Fries. I recall once, I was with another boy from the neighborhood, and he wanted to steal some candy from there, and I stole one too, but later, when I was alone, I returned the candy to the owner, and he let me keep it."

Vinnie broke in "Hmmma, youa are a verya connecteda weetha Freakie a Fries a. Youra verya first a memoriesa are a derra"

And I said having just realized it myself, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Goa ona" Vinnie said as he was taking down notes.

I asked him "What are you writing, Vinnie?"

"Oha...Ia ama doinga mya grocerya leesta, butta Ia ama leesteninga...Goa ona."

I continued "Another time, I was hanging with a French kid and he made me mad, and I picked up a stone, and then I laid it down realizing that that was wrong, and he picked it up and smashed it against my forehead. I've never forgotten that!...

There was alot of empty fields back then in the region where I lived, and once, when I was by myself, I picked up a rock, not knowing that it was real real hot ( because it was part of a fire pit where the fire was out, but the rocks were still hot)...

Another time, some neighborhood kids gave me matches and when I showed them to my mom, she told me not to play with them...

Another time, some kid was screaming at the top of his lungs, I was a block away...Apparently, he was playing in a new construction project and he stepped on a board where a nail was protruding and it went right through his foot...

Back then, from Park Ave., you could see the L'Acadie market, across the railroad tracks, and I recall the stories from my cousin who lived nearby, about the gang that was stealing watermelons from there...

 I was once caught by my dad engaged in curiosities with another boy from the neighborhood, and that caused a dramatic event..."

"Hmmma veree eenterestinga...Wasa youra fathera a gooda fathera?" Vinnie asked with concern.

"Yes he was and that blew over. The culture back then was more the culprit. Oh, my dad was stern, from the old country, actually forced himself to use his right hand even though he was really left-handed like I am."

"Youa are a coveringa fora heema?" Vinnie querried.

"No, I don't think so, Vinnie. It's just that he was very conformist, and I am very non-conformist. It was  cause for many contentious disagreements but there was nothing personal." I said.

"Eet ees a verya commona teenga, Don Jyovi. Eet ees alwaysa dea firsta place a, datta I a luka." Vinnie countered... "Goa ona."

"I recall at elementary school, during the Christmas concert, when the teacher asked if there were any volunteers to go do something on stage, and I, feeling that all the other grades had done something except our first grade class, went on and sang Brian Highland's 'Itsy Bitsy Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.' and being that this was a Christmas concert, had clasped my hands in prayer formation.

"Hahaha, gooda, gooda hahaha"

Another time, I was with my grandmother, and we were walking on the sidewalk, and it started to thunder and we began running and my grandmother fell and her leg bled.

I recall my mom and me going to Miracle Mart, often...I can also recall being with my mom when, many times, in the evening, a whole group of us, friends and relations from the neighborhood, would take walks over to this Rockland tower....

That's about all I can recall for that place and then we moved."

"Letsa take a a leetle a breaka and a wea weella conteenuea latera"

Just then, a young man with a long beard and Amish clothes peered in the door and said, "Excuse me for interrupting, boss, but that emu from the farm next door is getting frisky and is making eyes at Wilfred again. Have you spoken to farmer Jack about it?"

"Yessa, apparentlya thea emu hassa a crusha ona Weelfreda, hahaha! Butta youa canna tella Weelfreda that he eessa readya for thea marketa soa he a won'ta bea a problema tooa mucha longera, hahaha." replied Vinnie.

  Then the young man said, "You mean she."

And Vinnie laughingly replied, "No a, eetsa a he a, hahaha."

The young man shrieked out of the room. You could hear him screaming down the hall.

Then Vinnie turned to me and said "Come a toa deea dininga rooma, Don Jyovi, mya wife a hasa cookeda

for a us a. I a hope a youa like a t-bone a steaksa."

"Thanks, Vinnie I love steak." I replied.

===

The First Session Continues...The Perpetual Motion Machine Vision

After lunch, Vinnie had me go back in the hot tub for a little while and then the session continued. I was back on the couch.

I said to Vinnie as he walked into the room, " Thanks for the delicious meal, Vinnie. Your wife is a good cook."

"You a are a welcome a, Don Jyovi." Vinnie replied.

I continued "So you bought this farm from an Amish widow who was going to live with her son at his farm?"

"Yessa, mya wife a wanted a toa leeve a een deea countrya." Vinnie replied.

"And you decided to keep operating the farm and furniture shop?" I asked.

"Yessa, eeta wassa doinga wella, soa I kepta alla deea employeesa." Vinnie replied.

"I am starting to understand." I concluded, as I got back into the session.

And Vinnie said " Ok a Don Jyovi, here a eesa whata I a have a analyzed a so a far a...

You a are a very a responseeble a. More a danna avereege a. I a ama certeenna datta eeta brought a youa trouble a...?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I replied reflectively.

"My a cousin tolda mea allotta abouta youra inventiona. I a would a like a to focus a on a deessa. Please a tella me a about a deessa"

"It's a long story." I cautioned.

"We a gotta alla dayya...Start a atta dee a begeeneenga." Vinnie asked as he nodded.

"Ok, Vinnie, I'll try my best to keep it simple, there's just so many inter-related things that happened. Let's see...

I'll begin with the vision, back in May or June of 1982, I was meditating in my living room, on my couch, my newborn twin baby boys were on my lap. I was doing Transcendental Meditation, going on five years at this point. Back then, I meditated twenty minutes in the morning, when I awoke and twenty minutes in the evening before supper.

The vision came in my evening meditation as my wife of then was preparing supper. It didn't last more than a second and it wasn't very clear at all, like it was a dark rainy night and a flash of lighting lit it up for me. It looked like an oil drilling rig, like the ones you see at the beginning of the 'Dallas' TV show from the seventies.

But here's the funny thing...Even though it wasn't clear, I knew that it was perpetual motion and I knew that I could build it. Now, I had no reason to believe that I could do it. I maybe had only heard about perpetual motion at the time. I am not qualified, by reasonable standards, such as an engineering degree or physics, to believe that I could build this. I did take an auto mechanics course back in 1975 and passed with 100%, but that's it. I had worked in food service and hotels and delivery services, none of which would qualify me for this endeavor, and yet, I had this very very deep, under the skin belief that I could build it.

I began to tinker with it in my basement. I began to see seemingly insurmountable issues right away, what with protecting my rights, and time and money issues, as well. I will share a clear example with you now, Vinnie."

"Goa aheada" Vinnie said.

" There was this young girl in the neighborhood who was coming to our home almost every day. I guess that having two newborn babies and a third still in diapers intrigued her. Anyway, when I would get home from work, she would follow me all around. I found this to be flattering, even from a ten year old girl. Then, one time, she came into the basement as I was working on perpetual motion and my 'inventor's paranoia' caused a misunderstanding where she thought I regarded her as a pest, and she stopped coming around. I believe that is when I stopped working on it and also, I got too  busy with day to day necessities as well.

We lived north of Montreal, Quebec, Canada back then but not too long after, we moved back to our house in Daytona Beach, Florida. I had not done anything for this invention since and would not begin work on it again till 1992. A whole ten years later."

"Hmmm, whatta happeened toa make a youa starta againa?" Vinnie was stroking his goatee as he asked.

   "The Girls of Freakie Fries" I replied matter of factly.

"Hmmma... please a explain a" Vinnie asked as he moved to the edge of his seat.

"It's a long story." I cautioned.

"No a problema, canna youa staya tomoro a too a?" Vinnie asked.

"No problem, I'll call my dispatcher and let him know." I said as I took out my cell phone.

"Hello, Kenny! How are you?" I asked my dispatcher.

"I'm good, Joe, and you?" Kenny replied.

"I feel finer than a frog's hair..." Just then, Kenny interjected..."split four ways and polished...Joe, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate your sense of humor and you are a good driver, but don't you know any other jokes?!"

"I'm working on it, Kenny.  Hahaha" I replied and then I continued.

"Hey Kenny, I'm at Gondola's cousin's home. He's a shrink and he's checking me out. He needs another day with me... " There was dead silence on the phone, then after a short while Kenny was back on the line, trying hard to contain his laughter and a whole lot of laughter in the background "Take all the time you need, Joe, all week,...all month, the boss man urges it Hahahaha"

"Thanx alot guys!" I replied with feigned indignation and then I said, "Hey Kenny, can you get me to San Francisco at the end of the month for my daughter's birthday."

"You got it, Joe." Kenny replied.

"Thanx Kenny, I'll check back in the day after tomorrow...Take care." I said and as I put away the cell phone, I told Vinnie "We're all set, Vinnie."

"Gooda Gooda, Eena de a morninga, Ia have a toa go a toa de a peneetentiarya to a geeva a psychological a eevaluationa of a a prisonera butta I'll a be a backa bya noona to a continue a weetha youa, Don Jyovi." Vinnie replied and then he said "Now a, letta us a continue a. The a Girls a of a Freakie a Fries a?" looking at me quizically.

===

The Girls of Freakie Fries...Their Memory Returns

I was composing my thoughts, trying to figure out how to explain this. "Let's see, Vinnie... Hmmm...  well, like I said I didn't restart work on the invention till 1992, so I'll start by explaining this." I looked at Vinnie, nodding at me to continue, " well, this really began in 1987...well...like I said, I really loved my meditating, and also, I had been going to this pyramid in Montreal, that I had discovered back in 1984, that really made my meditations go deep. And so, being that we lived in Daytona, but we would go to Montreal every year to visit family, I would go the the pyramid, for three times, each time we did (go to Montreal). But 1987 was different because my father-in-law was dying of cancer, and as a result we ended up going to Montreal three or four times, and so I ended up going to the pyramid nine or twelve times, and by mid-summer, I was starting to feel alot of deep love in me, and by November, this deep love was overpowering me."

I looked at Vinnie at the edge of his seat and he said "Goa onna."

"Women were responding to this! I could do no wrong! I was working as a construction foreman where we were finishing up a Beal's Department store, and the employees of that store were also there, working to prepare the store for a Grand Opening. And the women there were treating me like I was some kind of star. I tell you, I'm shy and unaccustomed to this type of attention. But it kept on."

"One middle aged woman kept coming around me talking bout Elvis. One younger girl kept hanging around me and every chance she had, she would crinkle her face, conveying her infatuation for me. But I was not comfortable with this and  did not want to jeopardize my job and also, I had my doubts...she didn't look eighteen."

"And a you a were a married a." Vinnie said matter of factly.

"Well, Vinnie, that's a whole other session." I said shrugging my shoulders and looking at him to see if he knew what I meant.

"Ohhh a!" Vinnie said, understanding what I meant.

"Well, yes, that was a concern, too, because I wouldn't have wanted to get entangled in an affair...what I mean is, well if it were in a club, for a one night stand... well you know what I mean." I looked at Vinnie.

"Hmmma!" Vinnie was nodding his head with eyes of concerned understanding.

"The marriage was already on thin ice." I said, shrugging my shoulders and continued

"Then there was this really young girl working at a MacDonald's where I was stopping for coffee every morning who would give me the eyes and sigh...every single morning, and this elder woman, who also worked there, would look at me and shrug her shoulders while gesturing at the girl"

"You a are a guudda luuckinga." Vinnie said.

"I know, but I never had this much attention before." I continued

"and then there was Melissa...She was awesome! I was spellbound! she was so frikken beautiful! Vinnie, It's as if God, Himself came and read my mind about what I was attracted to, catered to every single detail, and presented her to me...She was twenty-two years old, of Irish descent, what a personality, what boobs! ah! she was so frikken gorgeous!...She would smile at me and giggle and I would just swoon and all I could see was her perfect teeth! and the sounds coming from her reverberated in my very soul!...She had light brown wavy hair to her shoulders and awesome, beautiful green eyes and she commanded a presence...Vinnie, I was hooked!"

I paused on that one and just lay there.

And I continued "Once, I was setting up the rack room for the shoe department, way in the back of the store and I saw her through the doorway, sitting in a lotus position, on one of the laminated wood display boxes. and I wondered how it was that she was sitting this way. I never shared the fact that I meditate with anyone. Was it here way of telling me that she knew? On the same note, one of the black laborers, once said the word meditation in his conversation with a particular weight as he looked at me. Somehow they all knew."  

I continued "She told me about the ABC Lounge that she frequented. Once I joked about missing her at lunchtime and she replied, 'we should go out for dinner and a few drinks'. Vinnie! I almost did! My marriage was in great peril, cause I would have shacked up with her. I just know it."

I looked at Vinnie and threw my hands up in the air " The whole thing was really surreal! The great inner conflict that I was experiencing was unbelievably painful. I suddenly understood why so many marriages break up. I did love my wife and kids but here was Melissa...all she had to say was 'let's go for it' and my marriage was over!"

I continued "She would tie her hair in a pony tail sometimes and I marveled at her beautiful cheeks... her ears... There was this other carpenter there, and he seemed totally unaffected by her, and I can recall asking myself 'is he blind?' "

"I had a habit of buying donuts for my crew. I had a good time with them. It wasn't always like that though, They couldn't understand why Keith, the superintendent, hired me with the little experience that I had, but they eventually figured that I had a good attitude and that became good enough for them."

"I was really into affirmations at the time, and was experimenting with some self made tapes that I would listen to on the way to work in the morning. I had a sixty minute drive to work. I had taped the affirmations from the book 'The Greatest Salesman in the World' by Og Mandino, and I had also taped 'The Baghavad Gita', a conversation between Lord Krisna and Arjuna, where Lord Krisna espouses the values of meditation. I tell you Vinnie! I don't believe it myself but something really strange was happening because of listening to those tapes."

Vinnie was at the edge of his seat " Goa onna"

"I felt a presence, especially when I would be listening to Krisna. I'm not sure that it was the tapes that did this to me or all the trips to the pyramid...there was definitely something going on...

The job was winding down and on the last day, I can recall being in the break-room with Melissa, totally oblivious of the others there...I touched her hand and this act alone brought me to my knees...her smile...her perfect teeth... no I didn't actually get on my knees, but for how I felt, knowing that it was my last day at the job...she was wearing a Night Ranger T-shirt...They recently had a hit song called 'Goodbye' ...what could I say...on the way home I cried all the way... Shame on me Vinnie! a little later, it was only a couple of days to my wedding anniversary, and I went back to the job site to seek her out, but she was gone!... she quit and left the day after I left...I never saw her again...I was hooked on her bad! "

I fell silent...I just lay there, looking at the ceiling fan go round and round.

Vinnie broke the silence "Hmmma"

  I continued "It took six months, Vinnie, for me to get over her! and in that time, there were other girls that continued giving me attention. I started to get curious about just what it was they saw in me, so I began to engage them. Not too much but I wanted to see what I could find out. To this day, I still don't know. At the Crossroads Shopping Center, where Keith was running this new project and I kept on working for him, there was this pretty laborer named Jennie. I engaged her pretty deeply. She wanted to move in with me. But when I backed out, she got mad, but even so, she followed me all the way to Daytona once. She wanted to love me right there at the side of the highway! and there were other girls too! and in this period, the girls of Freakie Fries, their memory came back to me.

This started actually in February of 1988. Every morning, I had a ninety minute drive to work and so I left Daytona at five am. It was during this drive that Dagmar's anger came to me. Dagmar was one of the girls of Freakie Fries, the one that I had a really bad crush on, so much so that she immobilized me, whenever I was in her presence. Anyway, Vinnie, her angry face came through to me in one of them early morning drives. Actually, there was one of the foreman, Buddy, at the jobsite that had that anger, at times, and I think that he was the stimulus that prodded Dagmar's memory. Buddy reminded me of her. But I didn't know why I would be recalling Dagmar's angry face. But anyway, since then, February 1988, the girls of Freakie Fries, their memory came back to me and they have been with me ever since!

By March or April, I made an attempt to contact the girls of Freakie Fries. I knew the last name of one of them, Ann, so I was able to look her up, but when I called, her dad answered, and he told me that she had died. I was stunned. I told him how sorry I was as I hung up the phone. She was my only lead, so I had to forget about it, but nonetheless, the memories of the girls of Freakie Fries, along with everything else from that period in my life, 1972/73, started to come back really strong. like I was nineteen all over again. It was that overpowering.

I began to wonder if this was enlightenment. I wanted enlightenment. I loved meditating, the pyramid. It was my bag! Looking back now, I realize that it was the start of something which would gradually lead to my enlightenment but I had a long and winding road ahead! I was still very confused about too much stuff, but nonetheless, I began to act in such a way that I guess you might say 'I faked it until I maked it'. But this did not go over too well with people. It brought me troubles. Part of paying the dues, I guess.

There was, at the job site, a situation where there were different pay scales for the same kind of work which led to conflicts. Some workers there knew that I was getting the favored rate, even though I only had a couple of years of actual experience, compared to other carpenters that had twenty years and were making less than me. It brought me problems. Another problem was that I was working overtime alot, so my day, began at 4am when I got up, till 9pm when I would get home. That went on for a while. Furthermore, my wife was mad at me about Melissa. I tell you Vinnie! It was not a pretty picture but what could I do? I pressed on.

I really loved the pyramid and so I decided to build a wooden one in my back yard even though I had been warned against it by the folks at the pyramid in Montreal about possible bad consequences, if not built exactly right. I did not heed this warning. I made it out of 2 by 4's. I slept in it a few times and there was something there! in that pyramid.

and true to their warning, somehow, as soon as I had it built, I started to have problems. of all sorts. This neighbor was starting to give me trouble, trouble at work, with my health, with my wife and so began a very tumultuous time for me.

Also, during this period, In Avon Park, Florida, there was a meditation retreat that I began to go to. I thought that they might be able to help me figure out what was going on with me. Also, I wanted to learn the Siddhis, an advanced form of meditation, which I had known about and wanted since 1978 but was beyond my reach for both time and money. So, amidst all of the troubles, I found solace and refuge at Avon Park. The directors, Jonathan and Judy, befriended me.  We remain friends to this day, even though I have my own meditation techniques now.

The problems led to my leaving the job and a major fight with the neighbor, and because of this fight, I made a push to learn the Siddhis. Learning the Siddhis and the excitement of doing this made it so that I wasn't bothered at all by all the bad things.  I was really enjoying the Siddhis. My marriage was over though... even though we stayed together for some five years beyond this time. I made the best of it.  

My marriage had been a lost cause for too too long. It may even be the reason that the girls of Freakie Fries came back to my forefront mind, as a self buffering attempt. Or maybe it really was to get me to work on the perpetual motion machine. I may never know.

Nonetheless, I made the very best of it. Even before we married, her family was mad at my family for moving out of Quebec during the separation times of the seventies, and furthermore, I caused her nephew to cry at the motel I was working at. He was slacking.

Not a pretty picture. What could be done? Christiane was very beautiful! a prime catch. I was very lucky to have her, but circumstances beyond my control would wreak havoc.

All through the marriage, we fought about money, where to live, I wanted Daytona, she, Montreal. 

For example, even as we were moving back to Montreal, I went and bought a house near the beach. Oh! she was steaming when I did that.

And then, my meditation gradually became an issue. I can recall seeing these magazines at the in-laws bathroom, showing poverty stricken areas of India, where this TM Meditation technique generally comes from, as if they had those magazines there just for me.

Also, I could not stay faithful. I have no one to blame for that one but my own self. I guess some people could not be monogamous. What to do?

And yet, the kids were on the way. We had common finances. I guess we just hoped it would pan out somehow.

It never did pan out, and now, after twelve or so years of this, I came to the Siddhis. Anyway, despite of all deep shit I was in, the Siddhis were great! I really loved it. I was beginning to have powerful meditations and was realizing great fulfillment of desires.

 and then, in December of 1990, a little more than a year after I learned the Siddhis, I had the idea to contact Ann's sister, believing that Ann was dead, maybe her sister would know how to reach the other two girls of Freakie Fries. So I made another attempt. I reached Ann's mom and to my pleasant surprise, Ann was not dead. I had a wonderful conversation with Ann's mom. She was very young at heart and very friendly. Soon thereafter, Ann called me back. Oh! what an experience. What joy for me! I spoke with Ann for a good while and I asked her for the phone numbers of the other two girls, Jodi and Dagmar. After my evening walk, I called Jodi, whom I had gotten quite close to back then. It was very sweet. And the next night, I called Dagmar, the girl with whom I had the bad crush for and I straight out told her, finally, about the feelings that I had for her back then. I was never able to tell her this but I finally did it. I can still recall that after I talked to her, I went for my evening walk and I was patting myself in the back for finally telling her.  

Anyway, they had been on my mind for almost two years and I finally contacted the girls of Freakie Fries! I fell head over heels in love with them like you wouldn't believe, Vinnie! and my wife got even more pissed about it. In fact, this became the straw that broke the camels back!  The whole marriage became very acrimonious. "

Vinnie edged in " Youa poora bastarda! Yourra marriage a wassa feeneeshda."

"What could I do. All I could think of was the girls of Freakie Fries. They were on my mind 24/7/365 and my heart was gushing like you wouldn't believe! We went to Montreal for the Christmas Holidays and I worked up the nerve to visit Dagmar. It was quite awkward. I think I was hoping that she had gotten real fat and ugly, but, no such luck. She was as attractive as ever. I even tried to exaggerate her minor flaws in the hopes of getting myself unhooked...All to no avail... and how about her poor husband...he was very civil through out all of this.  It was very hard on me, Vinnie. At the time, I had no clue what was going on with me. I had been doing some swinging back then, and I thought that it might have been an affair that I was after, but that didn't make any sense because there were already so many other girls in Florida...not to say that I would have succeeded at it with them, but the idea had crossed my mind. I felt very angry that I was not her husband... But after that visit, something really remarkable happened. I began to think about how unfair I was being towards Jodi. Jodi and I had gotten real close all through the summer of 1973. I suddenly realized what a fool I was for having walked away from Jodi. It was quite a revelation. Suddenly, I was overcome with incredible love, grief over my mistake in leaving Jodi for Christiane who was currently my wife in this bad marriage."

Again Vinnie said this time shaking his head " You a poora bastarda."

"Tell me about it! Vinnie. I didn't know what was going on with me. When we got back to Daytona, I went to Avon Park to visit Jon and Judy. I had one of my sons with me, Daniel, and I brought my video camera along because I wanted to send the girls of Freakie Fries a video. Turned out I ended up breaking down over my mistake of leaving Jodi for Christiane. Avon Park can do that to someone. All the meditation being done there has that effect on people. Anyway I broke down and I called Jodi again and she was concerned and asked me what was wrong and later I wrote her a letter in which I poured out my heart to her.

I, recalling how she had liked my singing back in 1973, had sung karaoke on the video for her to Johnny Nash's 'I can see clearly' and I had demonstrated the TM Siddhi Flying Technique, which all it was amounted to seeing me with my eyes closed. I was working very hard to impress her. The thought that she was married with kids, well, it became just a minor detail, so much was I caught up in this..

Again, Vinnie said again shaking his head and this time with his eyes shut tight as if to keep from crying" Ooooa You a poora bastarda."

I nodded in agreement and continued "After a while, about a week after I sent Jodi that video and letter, I called them to see if they had gotten my letter and video. They started to tell me how afraid they had become of me because of my calls and my visit  and my video. I tried my best to assure them that I was OK but I knew I was lying. I didn't know what was happening to me Vinnie!  I felt terrible about the whole situation and then following that I had a terrible pang in my stomach of fear about what I had done. I had to think of something quick. I went back to Avon Park to discuss the situation with Jon and Judy. Jon and Judy and Frank, a resident meditator were at the dinner table when I told them about what I had done. After much discussion Judy strongly recommended that I go to Fairfield to meditate with thousands of others who were going there as an effort to stop the Gulf War that was raging at the time. I caught on to the idea. Work was slow. My wife couldn't be more mad at me. I knew the marriage was over so there was nothing left to lose. I was madly in love with the girls of Freakie Fries and I loved my Siddhis. What could I do? I went with the flow. It was truly sad, though that the marriage was over, and were she not so mad at me we'd still be together today because I really loved her.

 Anyway, back to the Girls of Freakie Fries, my going to Fairfield became my shot at redemption to win back the respect of the Girls of Freakie Fries, and I wanted enlightenment too,  so I thought about how I can impress the Girls of Freakie Fries because I was going to stop the war. I hoped that I could win them back with that altruistic motive. Vinnie! I was desperate to try anything. And that was all I had."

 Vinnie just kept right shaking his head.

"So I went to Fairfield for five days. It was the most powerful experience I had ever had to date. I felt so powerful and so invincible. I actually felt like I had a single-handed effect on the war. I wrote the Girls of Freakie Fries and told them so.

While at Fairfield, I wrote Ann a letter, and after about an hour of struggling with it, I had a page of handwriting down, when I knocked over a candle and all of the hot melted wax splashed all over the page, so I had to start over, but suddenly I was writing furiously to catch up with my creative flow. I tell you Vinnie it was not me, who wrote that letter.

In the letter, I invoked the Elizabeth was barren passage from the bible on behalf of someone we all knew, to prove the power of this stuff. On the way back home, after five days at Fairfield, I noted a definite change in the air about the world situation, with smiling Generals on the news.

I later sent pictures to the Girls and I wrote on one of them, 'On the plane back home, I felt so invincible that I thought 'I want to enlighten the world, and with God's loving guidance, if it's His will, I will' "

Vinnie said "Thatsa verya nice a Joe a"

"Thanx Vinnie, and I think that the Girls of Freakie Fries liked it too. I felt that I had succeeded in winning them back.

And so, that was the beginning of what I have now come to call God's Algorithm." 

"Godsa Algorithma?" Vinnie looked up from his note pad quizzically.

"Yes, please forgive the seeming arrogance of bringing God into the equation. I reasoned that whatever force was doing this to me, would take that as a compliment. Also, it's a form of prayer in that I hope that by invoking God's Name, He will bless this thing that I'm in. That's also the reason that I came to call the perpetual motion machine 'God's Perpetual Motion See-Saw'. Indeed, as soon as I did that, back around 1996/97, I felt like He was pleased by that."

 "Hmmma" Vinnie was stroking his goatee.

"Yes Vinnie, It was the beginning of God's Algorithm and the beginning of the end of my marriage. She was pissed at me for going to Fairfield and her cousin's family was visiting and they were giving me a hard time. But you know Vinnie, I am good about working around these things. I have a strong sense of respect for varying opinions and I was able to hold my own."

I continued " You know Vinnie, I wouldn't wish this life, I was in, on my worst enemy. but what could I do. I loved my kids dearly, I loved the Siddhis, extremely, and now my heart was taken over by the beautiful girls of Freakie Fries! and yet even so, I continued to live with Christiane, doing damage control, riding it out to the last breath of the marriage."

"And finally, after a few years of this, most mercifully, we got divorced, sold the house before we lost it and I found trucking. and then, everything changed."  

"Youa werea eenna a verree badda marriage a...thatta eessa whya you were haveenga alla deessa problemsa."

"I found out alot though. It was a tremendous growth experience for me. I am the better for it. You know, Vinnie, I had been the one that supported the relationship, always covering for her, and when the relationship ended, I simply continued with the kids. I have wonderful relations with them. Oh! they can be a handful at times, but I love them so."

"Hahaha guudda guudaa!" Vinnie was overjoyed. "You a are a verya healthya!"

The Beginnings of God's Algorithm

Thank you Vinnie. Anyway, So that's how I began to start working to impress the girls of Freakie Fries. Being that, they were always on my mind, and with my infatuation with meditation, I started to do 'meditational acrobatics' to impress them."

"Hmmma Medeetationala acrobaticsa?" Vinnie noted.

"Yes Vinnie. My going to Fairfield, Iowa, at the time of the first gulf war was only the first of many things.  Though I didn't know it at the time, I developed a desire to develop my own meditation techniques, because I wanted to share them with the girls of Freakie Fries. The techniques I was using were secret and I was not able to share it with them, but it would be a full ten years before I would have my own techniques to share. And so the meditations that I have today got their start at that time back in 1990/91.

  And then also, by the summer of 1992, I developed a plan to build the perpetual motion machine, as a way of impressing the girls of Freakie Fries. I had finally come to the conclusion that the reason that the girls of Freakie Fries were always on my mind was to start work on the machine. Of course, I am just speculating. How can anyone really know?

And so, through the spring of 1991, I worked up the nerve to call all three of them, at various times, and things were fine. But then I later learned that one of them was having marital problems, and I felt somewhat responsible, and during the summer of 1991, I was at Avon Park, where I called if all was OK. I did not handle it well and this would be the end of my phone contact with them. "

The following year, I went to Fairfield again to work on a construction project that would be starting up, being that work was still slow in Daytona. As I was preparing to leave, my wife was cleaning out a storage shed that we were going to convert into an extra bedroom.  She had come across the hardware that I had been using when I first had started working on perpetual motion way back in 1982. I told her to throw it out, but in the back of my mind, I wondered about the timing.

 I went to Fairfield and ended up staying there a week only to find the project was pushed back so I went to Montreal to visit my family and the pyramid.  I decided to make the best of the situation and run some more experiments with fulfillment of desires using the combination of time at the pyramid, and time at Fairfield. Recalling the success that I had the year before, what with the war, and you know that 'Elizabeth was barren' invocation that I did, Vinnie?"

"Yessa" Vinnie replied.

 " Well there were six pregnancies around me that year, work associates, neighbors, all of them were total surprises to the parents and one was born on my birthday, and another was born on my daughters birthday. Isn't that amazing?"

"Yessa" Vinnie replied.

"So I thought to try again and see what I could do this time. I went for the economy, among other things. I also called my dad and told him I would get his property sold. He had this motel north of Montreal that wasn't moving so I told him to watch me in action. He was always skeptical about my meditation and stuff so he laughed when I told him so. Well, only a few days later, I was at my brother house when my dad called and said that he had just gotten an offer for trade with a motel in Daytona Beach. The amazing thing about it was that the motel in Daytona Beach was right across the street from the Alika Plaza, which I had been looking over on behalf of the TM movement, for a Ayur Vedic clinic."

"Amazeenga!" Vinnie exclaimed.

" And also, by the time I got back to Daytona, the news about the economy was starting to be positive. I actually cut out clippings of positive economic news and pasted on my living room wall. There were so many within a short space of a couple of months that I was having to overlap them. And as it turned out, it became the start of the great 1990's economy boom."

"Amazeenga!" Vinnie exclaimed.

"Of course it could all be co-incidence." I said.

"Offa course a" Vinnie concurred. " Butta joosta dee samea, eeta eesa eencredible a because a you expressed a deessa desiresa, (evena as a crazy a as a eetta wassa), befora eetta hapeenda anda you a told a deea Girls a offfa Freakie a Fries a!"

I concurred "Yeah Vinnie, it was starting to seem that everything I told the Girls of Freakie Fries that I would do, would come to be some way or other!"

"Amazeenga!" Vinnie exclaimed.

I continued "I had also expressed a desire that the have's would start to share more of what they had with the have not's and that same year, Queen Elizabeth volunteered to start paying taxes, Elton John volunteered to give over royalties to any future songs over to charity, and only a few years later, Ted Turner gave one billion dollars to the UN"

"Amazeenga!" Vinnie exclaimed.

"And while I was at Fairfield, and then Montreal, during this trip that I have come to call a yagya, or pilgrimage, I started to think  about the perpetual motion machine and I began to see the possibility of a bigger picture. I started to think that possibly, the Girls of Freakie Fries, their memory,  was being used to get me back on track. I thought of how funny it was that my wife would be asking me about that old hardware I had from 1982, just as I was leaving for Fairfield. And all through my trip to Fairfield and Montreal, It was working on me. and somewhere along the way I decided ...Yes! that must be it...so I decided to resume work on it.

When I got back to Daytona, I continued to install cabinets as a sub-contractor, and there was plenty of work, now, and things were starting to look good. Nonetheless, I hatched a plan to get started on the perpetual motion machine. I figured that I was not in a position for time or money to build it, so the best approach was to get financial help. I came up with a plan to find 1000 shareholders who, in exchange for a 1/5000 share, would contribute $100.00 a year each, for a total of $100,000.00 per year, where half of that would be my salary, equal to that which I was earning as a cabinet sub, and the other half would be for expenses related to building the machine. I worked on the letter that I was going to be sending out for a couple of months during the spring of 1992. and by August 2nd, 1992, I mailed them out. I called the project 'Heaven on Earth Appreciation Society'."   

"Nice a name a!" Vinnie exclaimed.

"Thanx, Vinnie, but I would get into alot of trouble because of this mailout. It wasn't received very well and I got into trouble with Christians. For example, one Jehovah's Witness actually called me about it wanting to know what I meant by the phrase 'I want to enlighten the world, and with God's loving guidance, if it's His will, I will' I think he thought I was being blasphemous. Anyway, after I mailed out 300, I decided that it was not the way to go. I did have three interested parties though, but one was from my wife's cousin who came and spent the winter with us for three months every year , another was from a friend from Montreal with whom I spent an hour assuring that I was for real and even so, he sent it at Christmas as a Christmas gift as if to suggest that the whole idea didn't have enough merit on it's own, and then there was one by this female meditator who liked me. I had not even had a design for the invention yet. That was how certain I was, that I could build this and so, I just continued on my own. If there was any benefit from this mail-out, it was that it drew a defining point in my life. My wife's family began to work to end my marriage, and my own brother's and sister's gave me up for a lost soul. Yes, my marriage was on a slippery slope already, and this didn't help matters, and in the next couple of years, I would find out about trucking, go bankrupt, be forced to sell my home, (before losing it), get divorced , all of this by 1995. A sheer living hell!"   

 Vinnie was shaking his head with his eyes shut tight " You a poora bastarda!"

    Vinnie began writing notes frantically to keep up and then said "Eetta seems toa mea datta nature a wanted a toa deestroya yourra marriagea, becausea youa neededa toa be a free a to a work a onna deessa teengsa, perpetualla motionna anda metitationna. Yourra marriagea wassa a badda anywaya, anda soa naturea wassa workinga toa enda eetta."

I concurred "Yes Vinnie, no matter how hard I tried to make it work, something would always thwart it, and it's true that my strong desires for advancement in meditation was a conflict in the marriage. It was for the best that it ended. I do miss being married, Vinnie, but given the stuff that I am doing, it would have been awful hard to make the progress that I have made."

"Anda maybe a eetta wassa a survivala instincta to a havva the girlsa of a Freakiea Friesa alwaysa ona youra minda" Vinnie added.

"Could be. The whole thing is still a mystery to me, picking up clues as I go.  Their memory washed over everything. I was on cloud nine in love with them all the way though this. It could well be that I called on their memory to help me through the troubled marriage. It could be. But then all the other stuff, how would that fit in? Mere co-incidence? I don't know, Vinnie. It just seems more plausible, given all of the other stuff, to say that the Girls of Freakie Fries were a part of the whole thing. I have come to call it 'God's Algorithm'. "

"But wait! here's another twist. I had a childhood friend, all the way from the fifth grade, whose name was Mike Scarapichia. His friends called him Scrap for short. We were friends, on and off through high school and young adulthood. Now he was something special. A great guy, but he went wayward and he and I went our separate ways. I found out from a mutual friend of ours, that he was murdered in 1986. Anyway, I think that he is also a part of this God's Algorithm.".

"Howsa datta?" Vinnie was at the edge of his seat.

"Because of the timing. This whole thing with the Girls of Freakie Fries began in early 1988 which means that it was not long after his death. He knew all about the Girls of Freakie Fries. He was very smart and very streetwise. There were some things that happened to me back in the eighties, and I believe that they occurred right after he died. One was a dream that I had, where I woke up from with incredible deep feelings of love, the kind that I now have had for the Girls of Freakie Fries since, well you know... anyway, back then, I didn't know why I was feeling this love and I could only remember one fact about the dream and that was that it took place in downtown Montreal behind the Queen Elizabeth hotel. I recall asking myself why... Another thing that happened to me back then was that, and this happened to me twice within a short period, I awoke to some very loud music, so loud that it vibrated, but it was coming from my own mind. It wasn't coming from outside sources. It sounded like a cello. That's the closest instrument that I could think of. the sound vibrated so strongly that it woke me up, both times! It was a familiar tune, just one bar of it. I knew I had heard somewhere, but could not remember where. I knew I was being communicated to by someone from the other side but had not at that time thought of Scrap. Eventually I heard the song on the radio or MTV again and it was Rod Stewart's hit 'Some guys have all the luck' and the bar of music that I heard both times was just exactly for those words... some guys have all the luck."   

 "Hmmma" Vinnie was stroking his goatee.

I continued "Just recently, I was driving through St. Louis Missouri, it had come to develop over a few years that every time I drove through St. Louis, the memory of the Girls of Freakie Fries would surge and peak and I would be transported back to that period at Freakie Fries just like as if I was nineteen and right there. Then, back in February of this year, I finally thought to ask God why and no sooner had I finished asking Him, that I knew why. It was Scrap! "

 "Hmmma" Vinnie was stroking his goatee.

I continued "Back in late 1997 or early 1998, I was driving through St. Louis and there was a Rolling Stones concert going on there that night and it was being simulcast on the radio. So I enjoyed the treat and somewhere into it, I thought to call on Scrap to join me.

Back in 1972, he had acquired a couple of tickets for a Rolling Stone concert for the two of us. He wanted to make up for the fact that I was not invited to the Led Zeppelin concert that he and the gang of Montreal North had gone to. Anyway, I backed out at the last minute because my parents were going to Wildwood beach and I wanted to go there instead, leaving Scrap to have to find someone to replace me which he did. But it was the beginning of the end of our friendship. I can't blame him. I didn't handle it right.

And so, during that concert, driving through St Louis,  I called on Scrap and apologized about it and said to him that I should have at least paid for the ticket. The concert lasted halfway to Kansas city.

So, I had my answer, Scrap was behind this. and also, the memory of that dream came back at the same time thus suggesting that he was behind that as well and I finally remembered that I had gone to downtown Montreal with the gang of Montreal North and the Girls of Freakie Fries. And I fully suspect that the musical incidents were of his doing as well, and so I believe that he is also behind this whole God's Algorithm thing.

In fact, come to think of it, it was characteristic of him to sing to me. He sang 'Your still my favorite girlfriend Allison' to me. No, we weren't gay, but it was his special way of breaking the ice with me. Also, he sang 'And the sign said long haired freaky people need not apply' to me because, once, when we went job-hunting together in the summer of 1971, he had been hired on as a Fuller Brush salesman and I wanted a job too, just to be with him, and the guy refused me because of my long hair. Well, I was pissed, and Scrap would laugh about this for some years after, singing that song to me.

So, it is quite characteristic of him, that he would have been behind those musical awakenings that I had back in the eighties. I am not sure why he chose that tune. Maybe it was because he knew about how much the Girls of Freakie Fries loved me. Maybe it was because he knew about my destiny with the invention and the meditations I am teaching. But I think that it is more likely the former.

Sadly, we were good friends until the incident with the Rolling Stones concert. and for me, it was probably the straw that broke the camels back, because I attempted suicide a little later."

"Hmmma, now a wea area gettinga somewherea!" Vinnie exclaimed.

I continued "Well, Vinnie, I was having a tough time with the gang of Montreal North, and Scrap was always doing his best to make me fit in. Also, I think I messed myself up with drugs back in 1969, because my intense loneliness began as soon as I began messing with drugs. There were problems with my family as well. My dad became very cold as he started to succeed in his business. We became estranged about then.  Well, he didn't like my long hair either."

"Aha! Yourra dadda!" Vinnie exclaimed

"Hmmm... I see what you are saying." I said reflectively and then added "But my dad was also very helpful to me even as he disagreed with me about my decisions. He helped me buy my cars, my first home, he made me a partner in the business when I was getting married, so I am not so sure about this."

Then Vinnie asked me "Joe a, eeffa somebody a geeves you a a dollar a and then slaps a you a eenna dee a face a, whatta do a youa doa?"

I couldn't answer that one. I just shrugged. Then after a moment of reflection I said "But he's my dad. I love him. He only hit me once and it was in a fit of total frustration which I understood."

"Butta youa wanteeda to a keella youselfa!...You a take a too a mucha responsibilty a." Vinnie said flatly.

Vinnie was taking notes and said "Yessa, I a teenka thatta you  a are a eenna denialla." He paused to look at my reaction and then Vinnie continued. "Boy a o boya! theesa eessa alot a stuffa. Youa sure a hadda alotta probleemsa. butta youa are a notta alone a, believa me a! So,  Letsa takea anothera breaka. Comea weetha us a for a deenner. Do a youa like a Mexicanna?"

"Why thank you, Vinnie, I'd love to and yes I do." I replied.

After a wonderful evening in downtown Philadelphia, where we ate Mexican, and then we went to a club and saw Billy Paul singing his big hit 'Me and Mrs Jones', almost completely like the recording, Vinnie had gone to the penitentiary the following morning and then we had lunch and then we were back to the business at hand.

I was laying there looking at the Casa Blanca fan turning slowly and said to Vinnie "Thanks for the wonderful evening, Vinnie. You and the little lady sure know how to dance!"

"Thanka You a, Joe a, we a wonna allotta offa dancea contestsa whenna we were a young a" Vinnie glowed with pride.

And I continued, " And that slick Mercedes, You're doin all right!"

Yessa I a wasa verya luckya weethat mya eenvestments."

 and then he said "OK Joe a, I hava some a questions a. Firsta offa. You a talka aboutta eenlighteenmenta allotta. Are a youa eenlighteendeda?"

"I don't know, Vinnie" I answered reflectively. "I want to be but I think it is one of things that the more badly you want it, the more certain of it that you are not, But, some very unusual stuff is happening to me for sure, and here's how I have come to figure it. I have two choices in the matter...One, what if I was enlightened, but, because I was concerned about being mistaken, I did not proclaim so...and two, if I really wasn't but went ahead and proclaimed that I was. The lesser of the two evils would have to be number two, because if I proclaim to be enlightened, but I am not, no major harm done. But!, look at number one. If I was in fact enlightened but chose not to proclaim it. What a tragedy! A terrible waste! The world would have missed this chance only because I am afraid of being mistaken. and anyway, my being enlightened or not doesn't really matter because I can't prove it anyway, but 'God's Algorithm' is verifiable! I got witnesses! I have the invention, the meditations. These are real concrete happenings. It almost doesn't matter any more whether I am enlightened or not, because of 'God's Algorithm'. Such is the beauty of this! I have proof! Leave it to God to figure something like this. He's a Freakin Genius!"   

"HoHoho" Vinnie let out a laugh and then Vinnie asked "You a call a eetta God's Algoreethma, why a a algoreethma?"

I obliged " Well, in the computer world, programmers use the term algorithm to describe the sequence of code that makes a computer perform specific tasks and so with regards to "God's Algorithm', it is, 'do whatever it takes to impress the Girls of Freakie Fries', and since I am into meditation, it's my bag!, I do meditational acrobatics"

"Eetsa your a destiny a?" Vinnie reflected.

I concurred "There was this thing that happened back in 1963 or 64, that still remains a mystery to me. Back then, I was 9 or 10 years old, and we were just about to move to Montreal North, school was finished, and I was out riding my bike, perhaps, in the neighborhood, when I encountered this girl, that I knew from school. She may have been in my class, I can't recall, but I never had any close contact with her. She was a bit of a distance from me at this encounter, but close enough for me to see her looking at me, with a kind of "I know what you are all about" look, which I have never forgotten. She was very slender, and could have been North American Indian, very dark complexion, long straight dark brown hair and blue eyes, I think, but she could have been Caucasian with a good tan. In fact my ex-wife shared the same description, but there seems to be no connection there, with my ex-wife in this, except that perhaps I may have been influenced to her attraction without realizing it that it may have been this association. I just don't know. I don't think she is part of this. My ex-wife was very beautiful in her own right without any outer influences. I was very lucky to have her. Anyway, back to this young girl,  I think she was riding her bike as well but was stopped to look at me. There was this BP sign, you know, the gas station, right there also. Well, that image has been with me since. I wonder why all the time. Perhaps I received a message too deep to cognize. I don't know. Anyway, it grew from there, to include an association that involved one of the Girls of Freakie Fries, Dagmar, L'Acadie Boulevard, and a BP gas station again, maybe on that boulevard. I have no idea why. I do recall having gone swimming with Dagmar at a public swimming pool on L'Acadia Boulevard but am confounded by this ongoing association and what it could mean. I can't even recall when this association began. I think it must have begun in the eighties. But a funny thing happened back about 1986. BP was a Canadian gas station so there weren't any in Florida where I resided, but suddenly, they started to show up even in Florida. I think they bought out Exxon. And so I can recall thinking how peculiar that was and I felt that it may have been an omen. And now, with the recent revelation about my old friend Scrap, his untimely death about that same time, and I am wondering about it all, still, thinking maybe that it was a sign. I just don't know. But it just all very palpable. Not just a few ideas but sort of like a thing going on, that I am still working to understand. I keep looking for clues. Yeah Vinnie! I have a real palpable sense of destiny."

===

The Girls of Freakie Fries...1972/73

Vinnie was at the edge of his seat writing fast and then he looked at me and asked "Joe a, please a tell a me a about a the a Girls a of a Freakie a Fries a?"

A look of wonder came over me and I sighed and I felt the powerful waves of love come over me and a pounding in my heart just like so many times before...

I started " Well, they came into my life soon after my attempted suicide, in fact, I wonder, now, if it wasn't the very next day.

As I recall it, I had taken a whole bottle of sleeping pills but I woke up the following morning, and while looking at myself in the mirror, feeling really balanced, quite fine actually, and I recall thinking, 'I guess all I needed was a good night's sleep and a good cry' and then it was business as usual, so I went back to work at Freakie Fries.

I can recall Ann starting to come daily, smiling at me quite regularly, and Dagmar, well the first time I saw her, I was hooked Vinnie!, she was on the sidewalk standing with friends, her German shepherd dog faithfully at her side.

 Freakie Fries was situated in a half-basement and so as I was standing at the register, I found myself looking up at her. Even as I had not yet seen her face and I could only see her rear... her tight jeans... I was overcome by this love... I do recall this curious fact that I was feeling this even before I had seen her face and I am intrigued by this even to this day.

I was immediately infatuated with Dagmar, so much so, that it overwhelmed me. I was not able to function in her presence. Being as shy as I was already, my crush on her debilitated me, but nonetheless, I could not help myself around her. I once tried to casually talk to her, but I recoiled at the feeling that she did not seem to be interested in me. She had a boyfriend at the time, too.

Ann was showing a very deep interest in me, and I felt that I needed to be careful with her heart too as I was trying to get to Dagmar, so I was very much caught up in this triangle of interest.

Jodi was also coming around at this time but I was entirely too busy with this triangle between myself, Ann and Dagmar, but  nonetheless, I had noticed Jodi. She had this special quietness about her and with a great degree of self-acceptance. By contrast, I, was very uncomfortable about being as quiet as I was, and I took a special notice to Jodi over it. It never occurred to me at that time to think of Jodi in romantic terms, but now, somehow I can recall that she was eyeing me with her peripheral vision...somehow I know that now and it comes from the same source that tells me I can build perpetual motion...  And so, I had a special respect for Jodi. Actually, I had a special respect for all three of them. They were getting along so well, and by contrast, I was having a real tough time with the gang from Montreal North.

Yes Vinnie, it's almost as if the Girls of Freakie Fries came to rescue me. and in the months to come, they would have done things for me that I am still very appreciative for today, even as I had not realized it back then. I really love the Girls of Freakie Fries for all they had done for me. It turns out, Vinnie, that the great and deep love that I have for them today is actually quite justified. My eyes moisten even as I tell you this now."

"Thatsa verya beautifull a, Joe a" Vinnie said.

"Yes, Vinnie, this love that I feel was never for anything else but an appreciation for the things they did, even before I was able to cognize them. The confusion of having these feelings of love for them without knowing why was a cause for some concern, but somehow, I reasoned that since it all came about through the process of my meditations, I knew that it was for a good thing.

And I still lack the confidence, just as I was back then, were any of them to be available, to follow through towards a relationship. It's not like I have carte blanc with them. 

And yet, it is very beautiful inside of me. I have been very blessed by this memory of them, how it makes me feel, and the way it has been used to bring me to do these things that I am doing, this God's Algorithm" I said. "Even with all of the bad things that happened to me, this beautiful phenomenon continues to inspire and protect me. I am quite fortunate.

and now, I share the benefits of God's Algorithm with the whole world via the internet which didn't even exist back when all this began. An amazing coming together of the sum of all the parts contributing to this whole of God's Algorithm.

And through my Magnetic Pendulum, I have learned that there's yet more to come."

Vinnie looks up from his notebook "Magneteeca Pendulooma?"

I obliged " Yes Vinnie, I have been using this to communicate with spirits for the last three years now. That's how I came up with the meditations and also, it was very helpful for my understanding about God's Algorithm. "

Vinnie asks "I a weella ask a you a howa  eeta worksa later a, please a continue a to a tella me a about a the a Girlsa of a Freakie a Friesa."

I continued "I had this little Sunbeam car that my brother-in-law had given me, and I had taken to the habit of bringing the car battery into the building with me to preserve the charge, which would have been lost in the cold winter weather. One morning, when I arrived at Freakie Fries, as I was pulling out the battery from under the hood of my car, the Girls of Freakie Fries, all three of them, were coming out of the store apparently heading to their homes. They were coming towards me, actually curving their trajectory to do so, and as they passed me, forming a single file, they were smiling at me. The funny thing is that at the time I never thought anything of it. Only now, of late, has this scene played on me like as if some spirit, maybe Scrap, was trying to tell me about them. And this is exactly the way it has been happening all the way through. Since 1988, when it began with Dagmar's angry face."

Vinnie was animated "Yessa, her a angrya face a, Ia wanted a to a know a about a thatta."

"Well, at the time I did not attach any significance to that, but as time went on, by 1996, I realized that it was a special moment. A moment that I believe Scrap had some privy information that he was wanting to share with me. Of course, back then, I wasn't aware that it was Scrap and it is just speculation anyway. How can anyone really know? Anyway, it happened at Freakie Fries. At some point in the middle of winter, my car was towed away from where I had it parked and I didn't know where it was, and I had no idea where to look. So I had taken to using the bus and subway system. It happened there that one of Scrap's new friends, his name was Randy, was with me as we went home from Freakie Fries. We were in the subway when he faced me and challenged me to a bet on who would be the first to get a date with Dagmar. I was taken aback from this because I had not shared my infatuation for Dagmar with anyone and so I was wondering how he knew. I also wondered if he really thought that I had a chance at her. The bet was for five dollars and it really sort of went on by default because I had forgotten about it. But that Friday night, at Freakie Fries, I learned that Randy had a date with Dagmar and that's where it happened, Vinnie. Randy started to brag about the bet he had with me and when Dagmar caught wind of it, she got real angry and broke the date with Randy. I was truly discouraged by that at the time because I figured that she was mad at me too for the bet. I already felt that I didn't stand a chance with her and now with this, it was really over now."

In January of 1973, my dad sold the apartment block that Freakie Fries was situated in to this Chinese couple, who then took over Freakie Fries and turned it into a Chinese restaurant called 'New Lucky'. By this time, Scrap had been coming around to me and helped me to get a job at his brother in law's picture frame manufacturing plant in Montreal North.

I was saddened by the prospect that the girls of Freakie Fries would not be in my life any longer. But that's not how it turned out. They continued to be with the gang of Montreal North through the Spring and Summer of 1973. The gang was in communication with them somehow, surely not for me for I was too shy anyway, maybe Scrap, or Johnny C. or Randy.

Once, at a baseball game, in Montreal North, the girls of Freakie Fries were there too, and the two teams were picking sides and I was the last one picked. Man! what humiliation. but the girls didn't even pay any attention to it. They continued right along like it was no big deal. In fact, Vinnie, I do believe that because of them, the gang of Montreal North began to treat me with more respect than ever before. I can recall wondering why this was back then, but I am now certain that it was the girls of Freakie Fries' influence.      

"Hmma! Dea Girlsa ofa Freakie Friesa were a helping a youa!" Vinnie said in deep thought, stroking his goatee.

Yes Vinnie, and it might have been observed that maybe they were interested in me for my car, but I no longer had a car because the engine blew that winter. They were truly interested in me and I was starting to relish in it. However, I was not aware how blessed I was because of them. I was enjoying these feelings without really attributing them to the girls. And there were other girls too! That Spring, I decided to try a new me so I cut my hair. Still a bit long over the ears, but not shoulder length like I had for three years. Yup! All the girls liked that. It appears that the grace of the girls of Freakie Fries was spreading throughout the neighborhood.

"I have so much love for them, Vinnie!" I fell silent for what must have seemed an eternity. Even Vinnie was silent and still, as if he was feeling it too.

I eventually continued "Once, I had a dream while sleeping in one of their homes. We weren't sexual. It was quite platonic. I can't remember whose home it was, maybe Ann's, nor the circumstances of why the gang spent the night in Park X... It was springtime and I recall the fantastic dream I had had and awakening with incredible feelings of love, like the kind I have been having for the Girls of Freakie Fries with this 'God's Algorithm'. I recall many bright lights, like as if I was at an airport, maybe. But the feelings were remarkable...Also, I can't recall if this was some other time or that same night, sometime during the evening, I had to go lay down and so I went to the basement and lay down on the sofa. The three girls came downstairs and I pretended to sleep. I was kind of shy and felt awkward to say anything, so I pretended to sleep. But being in the same room with them, alone, I felt something swelling deep within me! It was love! I guess...Once that spring, Dagmar had come to Montreal North and I can recall smiling at her and she smiling back at me and this black girl, Rebecca, that I had been seeing, was there as well and said something to the effect of 'Me and Joe been getting it on' and I was aghast at the possibility of turning Dagmar off and looked at Rebecca, where she fell silent. Everybody knew, Vinnie! It was so obvious. I was a fool to think that I was able to keep my feelings to myself. And so all the more intriguing, that Jodi had to have known as well...she had to! I am amazed at what was to follow, Vinnie.  Really really amazed. I was in the midst of some really beautiful people here, Vinnie!"

Vinnie was silent and in deep thought.

"You OK?" I asked Vinnie.

"Yessa! Deessa eessa amazinga!" Vinnie exclaimed throwing his hands in the air. "Reallya reallya amazinga!"

"There's more!" I said.

"Ia ama nota talkinga abouta demma! Ia ama talkinga abouta youa! eetta wassa soa obviousa...youa choocha!" Vinnie exclaimed.

"I...I know! and Scrap's been wacking me upside the head with this for all these years now! but wait Vinnie, you think I was stupid now but you haven't heard the rest!" I exclaimed.

"Deyya area verya beauteefulla girlsa!" Vinnie was just about in tears.

"They were beautiful outside and inside too! Vinnie, I was the envy of all the guys, and Scrap is literally turning in his grave to tell me so!...it appears! " I said nodding.

"Youra frienda Scrappa eessa playinga Cupeeda?!" Vinnie's eyes lit up.

I concurred "Come to think of it, Vinnie, the very first time I met Scrap on my street, back when I was ten or eleven, we built bows and arrows together." and then I continued. "Spring wore on, and once, I was at Ann's house and Jodi came over to me and, referring to a female French singer that was on the TV singing her latest hit, mentioned the song, with obvious intent of letting me know that she was interested in me, maybe...and a bit later, that same song was on the radio, perhaps, because she said it again to me...I recall twice, that she did this to me. and once, while at the Dairy bar, I was singing the Al Green song 'You Oughtta Be With Me' and Jodi's eyes lit up and I knew that she wanted me. Still too shy though! or maybe I was holding out for Dagmar." I looked at Vinnie.

He was shaking his head, eyes closed, like as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I know... I know!" I concurred.

I continued "Summer was rolling around. There was this really cute French girl, Vickie, that chose me to be her boyfriend. Every day we were together. I recall her sitting on my lap at her house, her dad just over in the other room was able to see everything...we were necking right there!...another time, I went to play mini golf with her and her younger brother...My friend Joe Cheech lived right across the street from her house...and everytime I was at her house, I kept looking over to see if he was home...I was more interested in hanging with my friends...nonetheless...

Then once, the gang all went over to Park X to hang with the Girls of Freakie Fries and listen to music. I brought Vickie along with me and I recall sitting along the wall with Vickie to my right, Dagmar was there with this guy, who was sitting to Vickie's right and then Dagmar was to his right. Oh Vinnie! I was so sick and green with envy. This guy was exuberant, bouncing all over the place, and in his moving around, his foot came over into Vickie's space...actually kicked her, and I grabbed this guy's foot and firmly moved it over back into his space. Vinnie! I never do things like this normally, but I was so jealous of him I couldn't help it! I actually wished I could be more like him...I didn't like being shy like I was...but also, he was with the girl I wanted so bad! The foot incident blew over, but Vickie was so impressed by this and not knowing my real motive, took me to be her 'Knight in Shining Armor'! "

Vinnie laughed "Hahaha, joosta like a eena deea seetcommsa!"

"Yeah! and that weekend, Vickie showed me her appreciation by sleeping with me!" I gloated. "I was at Dan's house and he let me use his parent's bedroom for the occasion. but somewhere along the thing, Salvatore had ideas of generosity and wanted to help me out with this savory task...he was knocking on the door 'Joey knock knock Joey how ya doin knock knock, let me in!' well that kinda put a damper on things. We dressed back up and left."

"Ahh but the word was out on the street and later on, that following Monday, Johnnie C was at Vickie's house, and I got mad about it and that got me in trouble with Vickie so she split up with me...and that following weekend, Dan was having his birthday party, and I knew that Vickie was going to be there, so I opted out from going, but because my cousin from New York was in town and I, wanting to show him a good time, decided to risk it and we went to Dan's party. 

I was really not wanting to go because already, a couple of years back, a girl had made me cry at Chimp's party, and so I didn't want to have a repeat.

Well, not too long into the party, I was standing on the dance floor and Jodi was looking at me, she was seated between two other girls but I was so focused on Jodi that I didn't see them, and I reached out my hand to her and she took it and we danced...before too long we were necking...and stayed that way all night."

"Hohoho Goodda gooda!" Vinnie was overjoyed.

"Yeah it was great! Even Vickie was happy for me as she smiled at me towards the end of the party. and so began my summer with Jodi. Though it wasn't actually official, we were seeing each other every day that summer. Jodi was very sweet. Always smiling at me and whenever she did, her cheeks would dimple up at the cheekbone. Oh! and there was going to be alot of kissing for me that summer, Vinnie! We fit together like hand and glove." I laid motionless and silent for a while.

Then I continued "I still had alot of problems, but she didn't seem to notice them or was very understanding of them, Once, when we all went horseback riding, I was really feeling uneasy with myself about always being so quiet all the time and so thinking to myself that I had better do something otherwise Jodi would not want to be with me anymore, I took to running my horse, and other guys liked that idea and took to running their horses too, but that was forbidden by the stable owner. It caused a scene but nothing happened and the stable hands let it slide. Jodi, too, didn't make anything of it either."

"Deesa wassa a verya uncomfortable a role a forra youa? Youa were a feelinga dea weight a of a responsibiltia for a deessa new a relationsheeppa." Vinnie said very matter of factly.

"I guess so." I said reflectively.

"You a never a hadda a girlfrienda before a deessa?" Vinnie asked.

"Just alot of one night stands with some repeats." I obliged and then I continued "Yes Vinnie, I did feel very uncomfortable alot of the time and it wasn't their fault...even Dagmar...with the crush I had for her...I wouldn't have known how to handle it if even I had had her...I was simply too messed up inside. I needed to break away from things...the way they were going. Nonetheless I was really flattered for the way the Girls of Freakie Fries were being with me even to this very day...thirty-three years already. and I am still very much that way, Vinnie, not comfortable around crowds. It's too much for me to handle. but anyway, back to the girls...

My romance with Jodi was very sweet and lasted all summer long, and one day, I was to meet her someplace, to go swimming with her, but in her stead, there was Dagmar, and I was so stunned!"

"Wowa!" Vinnie's eyes popped out of his head.

"Yeah! I know! Vinnie! it was so awkward. I did my very best to handle it. I didn't know how! I didn't know whether I should do this or that or whatever...I just froze. but man! Vinnie was I ever flattered by this. Here was Dagmar! the girl of my dreams...with me! I honestly didn't feel I stood a chance but here she was ...with me!"

I just lay there in the silence. Vinnie remained silent too. After a few moments I continued

"Anyway, she told me that Jodi had some family obligations and could not make it and that she was to take her place, and then she asked me 'I hope you don't mind?'...don't mind! Boy oh boy! If only she knew how much I adored her...I thought at the time. I know now that she did know and Jodi too!"

"Amazinga!" Vinnie concurred.

"Yeah Vinnie...That's what's driving this 'God's Algorithm'...yepp this is what drives me. but it intrigues me that whoever it is on the other side, maybe Scrap...knew all this and kept hammering me with this for eighteen years now, since 1988...and the result being all these meditations and inventions and philosophies and such...like a pipeline of information from the Heavens." 

 "Amazinga!" Vinnie concurred.

"Sometimes Vinnie, I get into this state of love, lasting for hours and hours...you know, I am alone alot driving my truck and they are there with me, the memory of this that they did...I just love it...and I feel that this is where the info comes from, somehow."

I continued

"Anyway, back to the story. We went swimming together. Man! was she ever adorable, Vinnie! But I didn't dare make a move on her. I was concerned for Jodi. and this was where I decided later on to break up with Jodi, because I wasn't being fair to Jodi to being so infatuated with her close friend, Dagmar. It was all just too much for me."

"Hmmma" Vinnie was stroking his goattee. "Youa are a too a responsible a forra yourra ownna goodda!"

"I guess. But I love them so very much now and it comes back to me in a most beautiful way!" I defended.

"Yessa youa are a quite a righta!" Vinnie agreed.

"I know now, Vinnie, how so very lucky I was to have Jodi...she was right for me! I feel the weight of that mistake sometimes and I feel that all the trouble from my bad marriage was my just desserts for walking away from her."

"Thats verya beauteefulla Joe!" Vinnie exclaimed.

"Thank you..." I said and then paused.

Vinnie broke the silence "Ia amma confuseda, whoa doa youa lovea?"

"I love them all, but each one for their own special reasons.

Ann, for her go-getter attitude and how she was infatuated with me...

 Dagmar for her tremendous beauty, and all the beautiful smiles that she gave to me, the tremendous crush that I had for her, how she stood up for me and broke the date with Randy and for that surprise date, set up by Jodi, to the swimming pool...wow!...it was a really big deal for me...

and Jodi for the warm and wonderful relationship that we had going that summer, even as she knew about how bad I had it for Dagmar! and she set me up with a date with Dagmar! and you know Vinnie? when I broke up with Jodi, you know what she did?...just before she left my house, she kissed me most passionately!"

I threw my hands up in the air with that and then just lay there looking at the Casa Blanca fan turning slowly.

 Vinnie was shaking his head with his eyes shut tight " You a poora bastarda! Leavinga herra wassa a beega meestakea!"

"Yes it was Vinnie" I stared at the Casa Blanca fan for an eternity and then exclaimed

"Oh Vinnie, if I could just find a girl that would embody all of their qualities!"

"Wassa Melissa thatta girla?" Vinnie lit up.

I lit up too "You know Vinnie, yeah!... yeah! she was...she was a go-getter...she stole the show...as beautiful as can be...and although I didn't get near her because I was married, I am certain that it would have been warm and wonderful and she smiled at me all the time and giggled alot."

"I a noticeda thatta you a nevera mentioneda herra anymore a after a the a Girlsa offa Freakiea Friesa tooka over a you a" Vinnie had an intense stare.

"Funny isn't it?" I reflected and then I said "The Girls of Freakie Fries took right over for almost twenty years now. Just their memory was enough for me all of this time. The things they did for me, at a time when I needed it most. I will never forget it, now."

" Anda deessa eessa God's a Algorithma!" Vinnie exclaimed.

"You bet! there ain't nothing I wouldn't do to impress them." I concurred.

"Godda essa verya wise a!" Vinnie added.

"Who else could it be? It's someone from the other side, whoever it is..." I lay there wondering aloud.

"Eetsa amazeenga!" Vinnie concurred.

"To be sure, this has nothing to do with today's reality, Vinnie...just an overpowering appreciation for what they were to me. They're married... they don't meditate...I am living a swinging lifestyle at least for now... We probably have nothing in common at all...God's Algorithm has nothing to do with us of today except that it has touched us...God's Algorithm has everything to do with my memory of them and my overpowering desire to impress the Girls of Freakie Fries of 1972/73 by my communicating through the women that were them back then...today. When I eventually recognized this phenomenon, that's when God's Algorithm really took off and I went along for the ride." I just lay there.

Vinnie asks "Eessa God'sa Aloreethma  feeneeshed?"

"I think the truck-driving solitude part is because it seems that nature is working to get me out of trucking at this time. I'm not really sure of that, but I did learn of this fantastic opportunity within my former building and contracting career that I am checking out. But the pendulum says that there's more God's Algorithm yet to come."    I replied.

"Aha deea penduluumma! whatta eessa datta?" Vinnie enthusiastically asks.

to be continued